I'd like to start this letter with an apology. Based on the way things are going, I probably am going to end this letter with an apology.
My first apology is "I'm sorry this letter is so late.". I know our anniversary was July 21st and here it is August 19th. I really did think about writing this letter the week before our anniversary. There were a lot of sweet things I was going to say. Actually, who am I kidding. I was just going to copy and paste my letter from last year and call it good. You see, we were/ARE in the midst of TWIN NO SLEEP, which has translated to momma and daddy no sleep. I remember waking up angry at you on our anniversary. The perfunctory kiss you placed upon my brow and whispered "Happy Anniversary" told me you were feeling the angry waves rolling off me. Thank you for the lovely nap that day. Best two hours of sleep I had in a while.
Which leads me to my second apology. I am really sorry that my gentle nudges to make you get up at night with the twins has devolved into violent shoves to your backside and "GET UP!!!!" harshly whispered into your ear. I wish I could calmly wake you with dulcet tones and gentle caresses. Really, I really wish I could, but it ain't happening. There are two crying babies in stereo that you cannot hear a foot from your face. The manner in which you are being woken is all on you, baby!
I think I'm out of apologies. Now on to the good stuff. This past year has been a whirlwind. From the jaw dropping news we got about the twins, to you quitting your job (best blessing I can think of), to the craziness that is every day life, we have been busy. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have you stepping with me every step of the way, every day of the year, year after year.
This year marks our 12th wedding anniversary and 17 years together. Seventeen years and you still give me a look that makes my heart melt. Whatever else there is, whatever chaos that is going through my head, it is that look that steadies me. It tells me, "He gets me.". All the validation I need as a woman, a wife, a mother is there in that single look. I treasure it. There was a moment, I was heavy pregnant with the boys, feeling the worry and weight of all that is involved with being pregnant with twins, and this moment will forever be held in my heart. I was going on for the hundredth time about all my worries and you looked at me and said, "You are so easy to love.".
Jon, you are so easy to love.
The lack of sleep notwithstanding, I rarely complain about you. Oh, I poke fun and say a lot of things tongue-in-cheek, but I have a Personal Policy to Protect People's Perception of People I Love at all costs. My sister tells me it took me two years after we were married to actually say something negative about you. Which means you do an excellent job at loving me. Even today, it is rare that I complain about you. I poke fun at how you don't hear the twins, and my anger IS fleeting. Well, I get over it after you let me have a nap. Crap, I just remembered another apology. I'm sorry for my sarcastic "I'll just stay up with the twins. It isn't like I have to work tomorrow." I said last night. Damn me and my mouth at 2am.
There are moments every day that I see that reminds me of the fact that you do an excellent job with the kids. Those moments tell me that you really are the best choice...The best choice of husband, father, friend. Your energy, your happiness, your physical humor appeals to all four kids and me. Families take glue and you are the patriarchal glue that holds our family together.
There are other moments that remind me that we aren't that far removed from caveman status in our home. Remember this past spring? I was big pregnant with the twins, we were home alone, so you were half dressed or rather more half naked. When men barged into our home, you took the fighters stance to defend our home and never gave a thought to how naked you actually were. That, my friend, is what I admire. Your defense of our home in your sheer shortie shorts.
I'm sorry I keep laughing at our neighbors mowing our yard. I find it hysterical how worked up you get about them doing it. It has been going on for years and as sad as it was to find out that the neighbor who had mowed our yard for years passed on (FYI for readers, those were the EMTs barging into our home to rescue him after he fell next door. They had the wrong house.), I heard your sigh of relief that he would no longer be mowing our yard. Then the neighbors on the other side started mowing our yard and I just howled in laughter, out of your sight, of course. Don't think I didn't notice that you parked the car in the yard to discourage them from mowing that patch of grass you claim as "your yard".
For all my silliness and mocking humor, there is one truth that is without a doubt why I still feel newly married to you. You are simply awesome. Why, even after all these years, your love is the reason my face lights up when I see you. I do have to say that Mr. Sam's smile is running a close race. Pretty sure he may love me more at this moment since he gets boobs.
My final apology isn't really an apology, more of a sheepish "I gotcha this time!". I'm sorry (but not really), I asked for one more baby. Me and my tricky eggs gotcha this time! Who knew we would be parents of four kids?!
Honey, I cannot wait to see what this year brings us. You and me, babe! We've got this!