Blessings

Two thousand eleven was such a ebbing year for me. I didn't feel as if the tides were rushing at me, instead I felt as if the year was living in the ebb and flow of family. My family, this core unit Jon and I have. Looking back, time and distance has given us many travelers through our lives. Whether they are family, friends or coworkers, their imprint in our life over the years has been stark and bold, or soft and easy. Either way, Jon and I are blessed.

Whatever has come in the past, signals to me that the power of the past doesn't always dictate our future. As a survivor of, well, life, my optimism hasn't always been high. I was raised to believe in blessings and that God answers prayers in His own time. I'm not naive enough to believe it is just plain hard work that got Jon and I where we are today. No. We've been blessed.

Looking back is done best through the lens of my camera. Oh, I wish there were moments I had captured. Like the silly bunny yawn last night. Then I see the moments that have been captured, to forever live in the memories of the family photo album and I know ours is a blessed life.

We are hopeful and optimistic that 2012 will be a blessed year. The past tells me there will be blessings, but the future seems to harken dark with many unknowns. I've had an itching to stamp my foot and demand answers to the unknowns NOW! Which I'm sure God will simply laugh and I will figuratively shake my fist at Him and then head back to the grindstone of life.

All I know, is I live in the mantra of "Keep on Trucking". Whatever 2012 holds, I know without a doubt, we'll keep on trucking.

Things I'd like to accomplish in 2012???? Many question marks. I have no desire to set goals, to wrack my brain for creative impulses. January is a difficult month. The weather is dreary, the sun rarely comes out, people are hyped up on "GOALS!" and I want to just drink more coffee to make me functional.

I've copped out of doing "real" goals, focusing on the knit goals, which are fun and keep me occupied. I don't want to exercise more. I don't want to have a more active social life. I don't want to spend money. I don't want to change.

That is it. Change. Change sends me spirally and at the beginning of this year, I feel myself on the precip of a change. My thoughts are frozen. I'm functional in life, but there is a big part of me that is occupied with marking time. I am ready to stop marking time.

Maybe my Dad's wanderlust is hereditary. Maybe I need a road trip. But there is an itching in my hands, a yearning in my heart and while I don't like change, I want change.

I'm a complicated soul. Maybe this blog post is a bit cloak and dagger. I can hear what is whirling through my head and I know when the answer reveals itself, it means the road we follow is linear, instead of forked.

For now, I'm gathering my patience, living in the now and enjoying finding new friends, furry and clothed.