The Zoo Trip

I don't know what is wrong with my girl, but she was on a roll yesterday.

Jon is getting awfully close with that gorilla. Facial comparison, anyone?

Cool mist time! Love these things!

Jesse did too!
The manatees are my favorite. Just love love love them.

Come eat your lettuce!!

Yes. and Yes. To answer your question.

We waited 30 minutes for them to feed the Polar Bears. They never showed. We were so bummed.

Taking short kids means lots of lifting and shoulder rides.

It was a great day with the kids, Jon, Janne and Ben. Loved spending the time with them. My camera lens broke, so I'm off to buy another one. I think I jammed it putting the lens cap on with too much force. Hot weather, two children tugging on your arms and a husband who really really wanted to see the Polar Bears eat, meant I popped a short fuse. I may or may not have needed more caffeine.

Peace and We Are Poolside Today!!!

Dear Dockers,

Dear Dockers,

Please be advised that the flat front, men's classic fit 100% cotton pants do NOT have the ability to stand up to my husband's wear and tear rear end.

First let me say, my husband works in retail. Sears, to be exact. We bought the pants at Kohls. His job at Sears entails meeting a dress code and the Dockers pants were a perfect fit to meet those requirements. Unloading the truck is one of the job duties my husband is required to do weekly. He likes to wear the Dockers pants on those days because the fabric is thicker than a dress pant, and Dockers claims that its pants are durable.


The pants were purchased last fall, that is September/October of 2009. I've enclosed pictures showing the minimal wear and tear. Actually, virtually NO wear and tear. The heel of the pants don't even show wear and the knees and thigh fabric do not show any thinning from wear and tear.
But for some reason, this is the second pair of pants my husband has ruined while unloading the Sears truck. The damage is beyond my ability to sew and besides the fabric didn't even rip at the seams, but BESIDE the seam. Not fixable by any means. We are still contemplating the amount of force two butt cheeks, a pair of balls and a toolbox can exert on one seam. It is estimated that the force is great with that one.


I ignored the first pair that happened a year or so ago. Figured the pants were old. There were no sexual harrassment charges filed because of the rip and roar that happened with those pants. No thanks to Dockers.

It is assumed the powers to be at Dockers will never see this. This letter is just one more complaint and it was only one man's buttocks that got left flapping in the wind because of Docker's pants.

We will never buy another pair of Docker pants again. Or shoes. Or whatever else Dockers makes. The Dockers name is now MUDD in our household.


Sincerely,

The Wife Who Saved Her Husband's Ass, Again.

Dreamer Series

I have lofty goals in life. LOFTY! I tell you! Participating in CK Bad Mommy Moments Dreamer series, included asking her to send me a sticker and take pictures of things I dream about. My goals. Things I wanna get done, see happen, dream of never doing again...The wax worms fall into the category of "never do again". This dream, the dream of never having to hook a wax worm again, has been fulfilled. J&J&J all can hook their own "worm holder" by themselves. Momma ain't needed at the hooking station no more. YIPPEE!!!

I dream of never having to unhook a fish from the hook. Status: Possibly attainable in a few years. Those blue gill sure stink!!!

I dream that Grandpa's pond is a clear, weed-free, dead-fish free (can you see the dead fish?) and a joy to fish in kinda pond. It's gonna take some work to make this happen. Status: Five year goal slot.

I have always dreamed of having my children willingly, joyfully and happily do my dishes for me. Status: Achieved. Expiration date: Approximately 5-8 years. Gonna enjoy it while I can.


I dream of seeing Jesse in a part of my wedding gown. Whether she makes a veil out of it, or makes a garter out of it, I'd like to see her wear my gown someday. Status: Always dreaming.

Are you a dreamer? Check out Bad Mommy Moments chasing the dreams.

Peace and I Really Did Crochet This Weekend, But It's Gotta Wait A Day Or So to Show Ya!

Cue Deliverance Song...

If only it was rum and coke...

Overheard at a wedding:
"I'm not wearing any underwear!" "Why would you say that?!" "What?! You're the one humping everyone."
"Anybody got some duct tape?! I need more room in this dress!"
"She needs some alone time. Just move the fuck down the hallway."
"Yeah, you'll probably see some ass and boobs tonight. It's an open bar."
"The groomsman grabbed my ass twice. I finally just told him nicely that it made me feel uncomfortable."
"Watch the BEER!!!"
"They don't have any Jack."
"Let's go the to party next door."
"You aren't suppose to talk to me today, it's our wedding day. Ask somebody else."
"I ebayed the hell out of this wedding."
"Abort! Fall back!"
"She got a little free with her hands and all I could think was "Where's Bert*?!""
"This chicken is great!" "I think it's pork chop." "No, it's Chicken Florentine."
"I just puked on the bar. Watch out for the tequila. I gotta go pee."
"Are you normal?"
"He has eight kids and is 34 years old. I wanna marry him."

I attended a wedding. It was held at Receptions. It is likely, the bride may read this. She's friends with my sister. I may have to deal with the backlash. I think it is worth it though. Poking fun and being snarky is how I am IN REAL LIFE. Not gonna lie on my blog.

The biggest irony of all for this wedding was the fact that David Tutera was in town doing the Mall Tour 2010 at the Kenwood Mall. I've seen him save some brides from themselves and this may have been one of those times saving was needed.

The bride wanted an entourage for the day and I was asked (the day before the wedding) to take pictures from 11am to the time the "real" photographer showed up at 5:30pm at the reception/wedding location. So, I went and I was their "candid moments capture photographer" for the day. Literally was on my feet all day to make sure I captured each minutia of the FIVE freaking hours at the hair salon. I didn't find out about the "real" photographer till I got to the hair salon.

Money isn't everything, but I got the full on facts about the costs of the wedding. On a side note, I got a full description of one of the bridesmaids boobs. Length of nipples, size of aureoles, amount of boob saggage, ect. Seriously, honey, I breastfed, too and done my share of seeing momma boobs, but really...You just met me that day. I REALLY REALLY did not want to know.

The "real" photographer showed up. She had a Sony HX1 Cyber-Shot. Okay, I'm not one to knock people. But really?! Really?! It was a point and shoot digital camera. I felt out of place with my DSLR and trust me, I was miffed. Seriously, if your credentials are "I work at JCPenney's in the photo department and do photographing on the weekend for weddings." AND you are carrying around a little point and shoot digital camera. AND you pose the bride with trash in the background AND your face looks like cheese pizza...Then yes, I'm going to get a little miffed that I took the time off spending with my family, work and attended your whims for 12 hours. I also suspect that the promised payment will end up with me doing the "gracious" thing and editing and helping my sister upload to a photo album to gift the bride with all the "candid" shots I did...for free.

I once attended a party that was suppose to have 1,000 guests. Only about 100 showed. I have to say the percentages were in the favor of this wedding when compared to that event. Otherwise, it was a poor turnout for a Friday night wedding with an open bar and delicious food.

The food was delicious. I also saw a Spicy Bloody Mary made. It had Green Olives with Green Olive Juice...it looked vomit worthy, but the girl looked really happy drinking it.

I did the duck-n-dodge with the groomsmen. The heckling was not my favorite part of the evening. Finally, I decided to stay with my brothers and they backed off. Seemed they weren't too interested in messing with my two punks. Little did they know I'd threatened my brother with putting another cleft in his chin if he didn't behave cause I was the DD.

I guess the thing is, don't ask me to photograph your wedding...It'll end up on my blog, unless you make me sign a DND-do not disclose-clause. Pretty much if my life and yours intertwine, your gonna show up here, white thong and all. Thems the breaks.

*Names have been changed, not that it will help any.*

Peace and Jon Says No to the Underwear, I say YES! I'll follow up with that story next week.

My Brothers

Don't mind be human barges to tow my two across the pool.

Wins the award for "awkward baby holding pose"... Flex em biceps!

They are punks with tats, teaching my boy bad things. It pretty much rocks.

Punks, I tell you!!!

Lordy! Then ya toss Jesse into the picture and it is all sweetness and light. She loves her Uncles.

Until they offer her as a sacrifice to the sun gods...Pretty sure Jesse's face says "What?! Not me! I'm too white!"

He's a punk. Really. Put a shirt on, Zack! Ladies he's 22, single, blond hair, blue eyed, 6'7" punk.

My edition of single brothers is now closed. They are awkward, funny, punks who make me smile. If you are on my FB, then check out Ben's Cannonball pictures where he soaked me and my camera. I'm hardcore, tho, I took pictures all the way to the last wave.

Thanks, guys, for a great afternoon poolside at your apartment! We loved it and it was great to spend time with you. Much love!

Peace and Imma Big Sister To Some Serious Punkatood!

The Fishing Report

Jon LOVES Pine Hill pay lake. He found himself a secluded little spot on the lake, where he has to climb out on the tree over the water to fish. When we rejoined him after playing in the water fountain, he asked me to babysit his poles for him, while he looked for a spot for all four of us to set up. Seriously, honey, the most I'm going to do it hollar when there is a bite and wait for you to come grab the pole and yank and jerk and reel the fish in. You understand that right? I'm going to Stand and Hollar. That is my motto for fishing pole babysitting.

James LOVE Pine Hill pay lake. The water fountains are a bonus. While I captured a good shot of James, it is the mom in the background that caught my eye. She had three kids with her. The baby in the pumpkin seat in the stroller just cried, cried, cried. My womb did NOT spasm and I was thankful my kids are now in the "throw em down, scream, whine, and negotiate" phase.

Jesse LOVES Pine Hill pay lake FOUNTAINS. I believe it is her favorite part of the day. Fishing is okay and she tolerates it for about 7/8 hours, then she is ready to go home. That is where Momma comes in. :D I love being useful on these fishing trips.

I also know my children are food motivated. This week I brought them Cheese Fries from Steak and Shake. Good stuff. Good stuff.

The fishing hats are de rigour. J&J&J all wear them, every time they fish. Turns out it is pretty smart, cause girlfriend Jesse got sunburned on her head. OUCH!

They caught three bass? catfish? Anyway, here is a video of the third one. My favorite part is James' commentary.





James is holding the fish until Jon can get the holding line ready. We took the three fish home with us. It is after all, a pay lake. $8 per day to fish or a season pass for $64. We are buying the season pass for Jon this week. The kids (under 12) fish for free. Two poles allowed in the water per person/kid, so Jon can have 6 poles in the water.

Next week I'll tell you about the 40lb catfish that was caught out of the lake. J&J have a "plan" to catch it this week. We will see if they succeed. James is the planner, Jon is the facilitator. I love that James can fish for 12 hours and cries when it is time to leave. I'm just glad I got my girl who will leave at the 8 hour mark.

Peace and Cleaning Out the Crevices is More Preferable than Fishing!

Tunisian Crochet Scarf and Killing Acrylic

I made two scarves this weekend. TWO, biotchs! ha! That is me thumbing whoever stole my muse. I got her back. :)

I used Vanna's Choice 100% acrylic yarn that is softer than soft, only once the scarf was tunisian crocheted, it curled like a mofo. So I killed the yarn by ironing it. Baby ain't gonna recover it's curl ever again. I like it. I like it a lot.

I'm participating in CK-Bad Mommy Moments !!! challenge. Check her out. She pretty much rocks.

!!! My sister is here! I mentioned her a little while back. She lives in Texas. It's been 9 months since I saw her. A lifetime. Love her so much. We have laughed till we cried over Jesse's klutz. Girlfriend tripped over the floor and slid two feet on her face, popped up and tiddlytodded on to her destination. She does it a lot. Janne has the most infectious laugh. My goal is to capture it this week on video, just so I have something to watch that will make me smile when she leaves.

Peace and Sisterhood *fist pump*!

Fast Friday!

Hey, chickies! I've been crocheting like a crazy lady. Will fill in the details on Monday. But while I've got your attention, I'd like ya to know that if you have embedded comment section and have been wondering why I haven't commented, well, I can't. Love to, but can't. If ya don't wanna change it, then know I am stalking. :D

Peace and Happy Weekend, I'd Rather Lick My Ass Than Fish, But Fishing We Are!

Ditch Running

Yesterday, the ditches at Grandpa's were filled with water. While I pulled weeds from around the cabbages and Jon tied the tomato plants, the kids occupied themselves in the ditch.



Jesse sang "Happy Birthday!" since it was her cousin's birthday that day. Said cousin was no where around. Jesse was just offering up her happiness. Girl sings a lot. I don't know where she gets it from.



See that look? It says, "I'm coming to get you!"



I told you! Son! Quit splashing the camera!!!



Much better, Son. Now carry on.

We made the kids strip and then we hosed them off. I'd post pics but I'm pretty sure my kids would kill me at a later date. I'm saving them for their HS graduation party. It'll be the picture on the cake. HA!

Peace and Happy Thursday!

Chipotle

I love Chipotle. I order the exact same thing every time. It doesn't matter if I'm at Golden Corral, McD's, Taco Bell, Olive Garden, Donato's, Penn Station, Chipotle, etc. I order or in the case of GC, load up my plate, the exact same thing every time.

GC-the herb roasted rotisserie chicken, leg and thigh, mashed potatoes, green beans, roll with honey butter, mac and cheese and sweet tea. Every time.

McD's-cheeseburger, fries and sweet tea. Every time.

Taco Bell-soft taco supreme and nacho supreme with Mountain Dew (gotcha there!). Every time.

Olive Garden-pasta primavera with Pepsi. Every time.

Donato's-personal veggie lovers pizza, replace the green peppers with black olives with Pepsi. Every time.

Penn Station-Artichoke sub with Turkey with a Pepsi. Every time.

Chipotle-veggie bowl, with black beans, fajita peppers/onions, ALL salsas, sour cream, cheese and guacamole on the side with Large Pepsi. Every time.

So when I say VEGGIE BOWL do not ask me what MEAT I want with it. Do not ask me if I REALLY want ALL the salsas. Girlfriend, you speak English flawlessly. Your comprehension sucks.

Chipotle habit fail today.

Peace and Wednesday's Always Suck When Trolling for Comments.

RIP Touchdown Jesus

If you have been blessed to drive the I-75 corridor between Cincinnati and Dayton, then you may have seen this statue along the highway. Nicknamed Touchdown Jesus it was a 6 story high statue erected in 2004, costing $250,000 and made of plastic and fiberglass resin.

Jokes aside, I want to know who believed that this was a good idea.

Last night it was struck by lightening and burned to the ground. All that remains is the steel beams. Click here for video, story and pictures.

Facebook was all a twitter with the news this morning. What do you think? Should they reerect the statue? Leave the remains as a reminder of natural acts of God? Donate $250,000 to a worthy charity?

Peace and He's Down for the Count

Cracked That Nut

First, let me say, it is getting to the point that I'd rather do the above than fish.


On Friday, I mentioned the kids and Jon went fishing at the Pine Hill Pay Lake in Mason, Ohio. There is a blog about that outing, but first I wanted to tell you..."I've cracked the seal on crocheting." I crocheted this, this weekend. It is made using the same stuff as James Rock Purse.

I'm not a poser. Whew! I feel better. Feel like I got my crochet balls back, so to speak. This bag and material also allowed me to set fire to my crochet. Instead of sewing in the ends or making knots to secure the loose ends, I burned them. Worked like a charm and fed my pyromaniac.

I also knitted this weekend. *GASP* I know, it was close, but I did knit. Still plugging away at the Capelet I mentioned a few weeks ago. I calculate I have over 2,000 more stitches to go. :S


So, the fishing trip....Let me just say, I have bad fish juju.

From Handy Hooker

There was this crane.

From Handy Hooker

We fed him/her some dead prepackaged fish from Walmart.

From Handy Hooker

The crane liked it.

From Handy Hooker

From Handy Hooker

My children were hot after fishing with no luck for 5 hours. When I arrived they were persevering in spite of this fact. Their Daddy kept promising them many fish.

From Handy Hooker

From Handy Hooker

From Handy Hooker

Luckily, Pine Hill has a play fountain for kids. I told them to just get their heads and feet wet. "What?! Momma!!!". They don't listen well.

From Handy Hooker

Uncle Josh came along too. We love Uncle Josh.

From Handy Hooker

"I'm still hot, Momma." Jesse reached her limit at 3pm. She'd been fishing almost 7 hours.

From Handy Hooker

James was a cranky butt, too.

From Handy Hooker

"Seriously, son, QUIT throwing rocks. You are scaring the fish away." Really, honey, after 7 hours of not a single bite, give the kid some slack.

From Handy Hooker

Josh found a new bait.

From Handy Hooker

"Help me, Momma!"

From Handy Hooker

Jesse and I left at 3pm. She tells me, "It's just you and me. You walk with me. I love you, Momma." She was really really grateful to leave with me. We left the boys to catch some more fish.

They did. 20 minutes after us girls left, I got a text and for the next five hours I got a text every half and hour or so with a picture of a new fish they had caught. Us girls have bad fish juju.

Peace and I Ain't Fishing No More!